I dropped off the radar for a while this summer but seeing as August is around the corner, I want to clear the air…
For my most dedicated readers, yes, I am still working on my recaps for my May travels in the Philippines and Italy. I am also still trying to push out the second issue of Mosaic Minds despite the various setbacks I’ve experienced so far in the world of digital publishing.
To be honest, there is no excuse for any of this delay other than the reasoning that life happened. Shit got real and I wasn’t doing too well at handling any of it. I got hit with a lot of external issues this summer that made me question everything, doubt everything, and so on. I know that much of what has happened is not exactly my fault, nor is it anything I can control, but sometimes it’s the inability to change certain circumstances that make me feel inadequate. It’s the sense that I can’t do anything other than wait things out and see what happens, to see if things will improve, that I sometimes still feel like I’m not worthy of the gifts I’ve been given. I always want to make things better but it’s hard to understand when it isn’t my place to do that.
I knew things were getting bad when the external world around me started to reflect my internal pain. The news was oversaturated with its usual Trump coverage. The Philippines was experiencing massive disasters just weeks after I had visited my family out there. Prodigy, a member of Mobb Deep, passed away, shaking the hip-hop community to its core. Chester Bennington, the lead singer of Linkin Park and a childhood icon to me, committed suicide – The sad thing is, he was also someone I looked to when I found myself in the very same dark places. There’s just so much more, but this is just a window at best.
And all of that stuff happening that I just named? It honestly woke me up. That I have so much to do and I can’t leave it unfinished. I have to continue to legacy I set out to create because I have to prove to myself, more than anyone else, that it IS all worth it. It is all worth it. It is.
My point is: It is a true struggle some days more than others to love yourself and love your craft in the face of adversity. I constantly have to remind myself to take a step back and be grateful regardless.
I started this blog as a way to navigate through my emotions and thoughts on certain life experiences, and then it became my brand. I lost sight of what I was writing about, what I was creating. I read up on what I wrote over the last year and yearned for the passion I once had. Just because I’m writing this too doesn’t mean I’m not restored 100% and maybe I never will be, but I want to try again. So watch me try, and try with me if you feel so moved.
I am vulnerable, but I am not weak. I am confident in growth.
Don’t be afraid to respond to this post, either. I wrote this as an open letter to those who may feel the same in their own path. It’s okay. In the words of ATCQ, “we got it from here.”